Rant Ahead
Relationships
Oh man. When it comes to relationships, I get emotional because I put myself completely into relationships. Like, I give them my ALL.
And I think some of that comes from what I experienced growing up. Being backstabbed in primary school and high school by friends — sometimes because they were trying to impress someone else, sometimes because they were trying to fit into a particular group — made me very skeptical of female friendships for a long time. I learned quite early that people you considered your friends could turn around and hurt you just to feel accepted somewhere else. And that stayed with me.
But thank God for growth, because I have since given female relationships another chance. And I'm so glad I did.
Even in the middle of that growth, I still lost some friends. Some because of a shift in my religious beliefs, some because we simply outgrew each other, and some relationships just naturally came to an end. And although losing people is never easy, I'm still so grateful for the friends I currently have in my life. I have SO much love for them.
Because when I love people, I really love people.
If you tell me your child ate their first proper baby meal, of course I want to know! 😂 If you tell me your child has been weaned, I want to hear about it. If your child is struggling at school, tell me. If they won an award at school, I want to celebrate with you. I am THAT involved in my relationships.
Whether it's my siblings or my friends, if you're my person, I'm invested.
If you tell me you have an idea, I will probably help you research it. I'll look for solutions. I'll start thinking about how we can make this thing actually happen. If you tell me you have a problem, I will take it upon myself to help you look for a solution.
And sometimes I wonder if this is too much.
Because I do feel like I can be too much for some people.
I don't actually know if they feel this way. Maybe they don't. Maybe this is just something I've created in my own head. But sometimes I feel like people want to tell me, hey, relax, it's not that deep. 😂
But maybe they don't say it because they know I'm soft.
And I am.
Relationships to me are such a beautiful concept. I love the idea of having people in your life who understand the kind of person you are, who love you for who you truly are, and who genuinely WANT to have you in their lives.
Not because of the idea of you.
Not because of what you can do for them.
Not because you're useful to them.
But because they are genuinely attracted to who you are as a person.
And I think one of the biggest things I've learned as I've grown is that it is okay to let go of relationships where the love isn't reciprocated. It is okay to let go of people who only love you under certain conditions.
Because people change.
People change CONSTANTLY.
And honestly, I think people should be allowed to change. As long as that change isn't causing harm to themselves, the people around them or society, I think those changes should be supported.
If something changes about me because I am growing, learning, healing or simply figuring out who I am, I don't want to have to apologise for that.
And if you are going to stop loving me, stop supporting me or distance yourself from me because I made a decision that benefits me and my mental health, then maybe that relationship wasn't meant to continue.
Because what am I supposed to do?
Continue doing things that put my mental health in jeopardy just so I can fit in?
Just so I can stay within a certain squad?
A certain group?
A certain friend group?
Whatever they're calling it these days?
No.
I've learned that I have to put myself first too.
And that doesn't mean I love people less.
It doesn't mean I suddenly stop caring.
It doesn't mean I won't be there for the people I love.
It just means that I have finally realised that I cannot pour EVERYTHING I have into relationships while completely abandoning myself in the process.
I can love you deeply and still choose myself.
I can support your growth and still allow myself to grow in a different direction.
I can celebrate you without needing you to become who I want you to be.
And I can let you go when our paths no longer make sense together.
I think that's what makes relationships so beautiful, actually.
We don't all have to stay the same forever.
Sometimes people grow together.
Sometimes people grow apart.
Sometimes people come into your life for a season.
And sometimes, if you're lucky, you find people who grow WITH you.
Those are the relationships I am grateful for.
The ones where I don't have to shrink myself.
The ones where being soft isn't a weakness.
The ones where caring deeply isn't considered too much.
The ones where I can be exactly who I am and know that I'm loved for ME.
And maybe I am a little too much sometimes. 😂
But I'd rather be someone who loves deeply than someone who is afraid to love at all.
What have your relationships taught you about the way you love, the way you receive love, and the kind of people you want in your life?